For some of us, saying “no” feels like a nightmare. Whether it’s because we’re uncomfortable with something, lack the time or energy to help with a favor, or need to decline an invitation, it can trigger a stress response in our brains.
However, if we don’t learn to set healthy boundaries and say no when it’s necessary for our well-being, we risk building resentment and burning out, whether it’s a in the workplace or with the people we love.
Some of the common reasons we may struggle to set boundaries and say no may include:
- Feeling responsible for making others happy
- A drive for perfection (common among firstborns, firstborn of your gender, and only children)
- Insecurities tied to your relationships
- A need to prove yourself to others
- Expectations from “doing it all” in the past
- Or societal expectations that we as women must be the caretakers
This isn’t a comprehensive list of course, but it gives you a good idea of why saying No can be so challenging.
The good news is, it’s possible to (slowly but surely) master the art of saying “No”! Here are a few ways you can practice this skill.
(1) Identify What is Most Important to You
Having a clear understanding of what is most important to you will make you feel more confident in saying no. Questions you could ask yourself could be: “What should I save my time or energy for? How much do I realistically want on your plate? Consider the questions and be honest with yourself!
(2) Find Different Ways to Say No
There are many ways to say no but here are some confident yet tactful ways to approach…
“I appreciate the offer, but I have to say no.”
“Thank you for thinking of me, but I’m not able to commit.”
“I’m not able to help with that right now.”
“I have other priorities at the moment, so I’ll have to say no.”
“I’m going to pass on this opportunity, but thanks for asking.”
Repeat these outloud to yourself, they will begin to sound and feel natural for when you need to say no.
(3) Start Small
Practice saying no by starting with small requests. Gradually you will get more comfortable with the discomfort you may feel. Set boundaries at home with your close family, and over time you will gain the confidence to say no to those bigger requests.
Remember, everyone has the right to say no without obligation to provide an explanation. You don’t owe anyone an excuse if they question your decision, “No, is a full sentence!” Keep practicing it and eventually you’ll master the art of saying, No.